Dependence
by Illumi Senri
Summary: In Greed Island, Killua's hands got injured pretty bad because of the fight with Razor. There's only two people Killua could rely on, Biske and Gon. But who would take care of him and assist him with his daily needs? Definitely not Biske for sure. (Yaoi GonxKillua) (To the readers of You Are My Sun,I won't be able to upload the next chapter in a week or two)


**GREED ISLAND**

XGONX

"Even bending it a few millimeter hurts.." I heard Killua telling Biske and it was understandable. Using your bare hands like a cannon barrel for a nen punch is indeed crazy and reckless as Tzesugera-san put it. Now that our victory celebration is over after finally beating Razor and now we're facing reality yet again, I had to concede that Tzesugera indeed had a point.

It was very thoughtless and unbelievably reckless of me to ask Killua to sacrifice his hands for was like I just took advantage of Killua, knowing fully well that Killua couldn't possibly deny me anything. Killua is my bestfriend and we shared an unbreakable bond that no minor or major force could possibly destroy that bond.

Now, because of me Killua's hands got hurt. Everytime I take a good look at those hands that used to be pale and slender and undeniably beautiful somewhat brings tears to my eyes. I feel bad about it. I feel guilty and what made it worse is that not even a word of complaint let alone blame would escape Killua's lips.

I still remember everything quite vividly, even though it has been a days since. I asked Killua to hold the ball for me when I used my nen punch, and I, knowing fully well that he'll never refuse me, took advantage of that.

I know, ofcourse I know how his hands must have hurts like hell even after the first time, then what about the second and third time? I don't even want to think about it. Even though Killua kept reassuring me that he's used to to the pain and he would smile at me like it's nothing, it doesn't make me feel any better. Who would? Knowing fully well that I did it willingly on my right frame of mind.

Ah, how reckless and thoughtless of me, knowing Killua, he would even plunged in the very depths of the abyss if it's with me. I know because I would definitely do the same for Killua, my only bestfriend in the world. He's way too good for someone like me, because Killua is everything that I am not.

Now that the ecstatic feeling of being victorious against against Razor's group is finally gone, they reluctantly came back to reality. Now they're up against Gensuru's group. The most notorious player killer in Greed Island. Now that they possessed an extremely rare designated pocket card, the 'Bomber's' group had their eyes on their group now.

Tzesugera and Biske estimated that they would have little more than three week before Gensuru finally go after them. Thinking that they were nothing but a bunch of kids, Gensuru's group would let their guard down and that will be their chance to retaliate.

Meanwhile...(**Present** **Day)**

Now Biske-san gave Killua the responsibility to come up with a plan, and I am busy training well. It's already been two weeks since our fight with Razor, but Killua's hands showed no progress or signs that it'll be healing anytime soon. I feel so unspeakably bad about it knowing I did that to Killua personally. Even going as far as spouting nonsense like 'I can only give my all if it's Killua holding the ball'.

In the end, Killua became like that and I want to made it up to him somehow by taking care of him while he's wounded and unable to use is hand. It's just that it didn't take long for me to realized that I am actually enjoying Killua's helplessness and I feel terrible about it.

Now is the estimated day that Gensuru's group would go after us. I have to do my best and beat him so that I can have some clones of Archangel's Breathe. Because the more time I spend taking care of Killua , the more terrible I feel. Because deep down I am glad, deep down I want to live in that illusion that Killua couldn't live without me.

But Killua promised me something if we came out victorious today. I'm so looking forward to it to the point that I'm drowning myself in training and I couldn't even imagine myself losing to Gensuru. Even if I had to die, I need the clones..! Because Killua promised me...

(Gon)

I woke up beside Killua, in front of the camp fire we built the night in the forest surrounding Masadora while training is something Biske came up with, and now she's nowhere to be seen. She probably woke up early to gather information from the nearest town.

Being able to watch Killua's sleeping face in the morning is a rare privilege. After all, Killua's sleeping face is so adorable it feels like something is tugging at my chest, urging me to hug Killua. But I held myself back. It would definitely creep Killua out. These feelings are something I kept buried within me, because I don't want to change anything between me and Killua. Being able to be with Killua after all these time is already giving me enough happinness to last me a lifetime.

I was too absorbed staring at Killua's face I didn't noticed how much time passed. Killua started stirring next to me. Then he opened his cerulean blue eyes and for a moment was confused and after a few seconds he got up and winced involuntarily. Killua accidentally used his wounded hand to got up.

I automatically rushed to Killua's side and helped him got up. "I'm really sorry about this, I couldn't apologize enough." I said to Killua. My voice full regret and remorse.

"Idiot..! It's fine...! Don't think about pointless things too much...! You do know that we could always use Archangel's Breathe card to heal my hands, but we didn't. We only have one copy and as I clearly told Biske the night before that I don't need it right now. My hands can heal by itself. Who knows? We might need that card for emergency in the future, so don't make that face.." KIllua scolded him and walked away, going deeper into the forest.

I was left there standing like a lost kid. But half a minute later, Killua called out to me. "G-Gon? C-Could you come here for a moment? I need your help with something." Killua called out, his voice shaking. Or is it my imagination? I followed his voice only to find him standing there awkwardly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I-I...uhmm... Its just..." Killua mumbled but he's looking away, unable to see his eyes. I don't even know what he's getting at.

"What? Do you need help?" I asked Killua patiently.

"I-I want to pee. C-Can you, y-you know... Unzipped many pants and stuff. My hand is practically useless.." It might've taken a years worth of courage for Killua to finally said that. His face blushing furiously and I know he wouldn't asked me or anyone for that matter if he could help it.

And I feel like I was struck by lightning. Me, unzipping Killua's pants?! Dangerous... For who knows how many days am I going to endure this?! If Killua knows that I harbor such impure thoughts towards him, he'll hate me for sure. I have to do my best.

I nonchalantly walk towards Killua, doing my best to keep a straight face, pretending I'm so calm even though that's the last thing I'll ever be in this kind of situation. There is no way I could ever keep calm, knowing that I'll be doing this from now onwards. Its not that I hate it. Its just that, it made me hate myself because somewhere deep down, I am thankful that Killua became like that so that he could rely on me for the first time, I'm the one relying in him most of the time so in a way this is kind of refreshing.

Standing behind Killua' I unzipped his pants and lower his underwear slightly. I'm so glad I'm standing behind Killua, because I can feel my face burning. And I'm also glad that he couldn't hear my heartbeat pounding non stop for quite a while. As if there is a threat in front of me, why is it pounding?!

"Ah, uhm, G-Gon, at this rate i-im uhmm, m-my shoes are going to get peed on. C-Can you h-hold 'it' properly?" The way Killua stuttered, I can pretty much guess that he's blushing furiously like me. Even though I couldn't see his face.

I wordlessly hold his member so that Killua could pee properly. It was pretty much warm in my hand. Hard but supple as Killua relieve his bladder. I didn't dare look out if fear that I might ended up doing something strange. Like I've always been tempted to do. I kept my mind blank and focus.

The whole embarrassing ordeal came to an end and Killua and I both sighed in relief as I zipped his pants back. We both walked wordlessly out of the woods, I so badly wanted to know what Killua thinks. Did he hate it? The way that even the simplest thing are something he couldn't even do on his own anymore. Does he hate me now? I can imagine. I made Killua like that, he must've hate me so much.

Not a word came from Killua's lips even after we take a sit in front of the camp fire. I was afraid to look at his face, terrified of what I might found there. I was afraid that I can see regrets or accusations on his face. When I finally got the courage to looked up and take a good look at Killua's expression, he immediately tilted his head. Clearly looking away. That made me feel bad. Does he hate me?

"Killua,I-..." I started to apologize again, but before I could even finished the sentence, Biske appeared. I lost my chance to talk to Killua.

"Boys, breakfast." Biske called us out. He's holding a card and mumbled the word 'gain' and a steaming pot of stew, plates and spoons appeared. Then again, I realized that if Killua couldn't even unzipped his pants to pee, how is he going to eat? Surely Biske wouldn't feed him so the task goes to me.

I automatically sat next to Killua and feed him. Even though I am not that sure he truly wanted to be this close to me. He still looked away whenever I tried to look at his eyes. For the first time since we met, we were both silent as if we have nothing to talk about. We usually never run out of things to tell each other.

"What's this? It's rare for the two of you to be this quiet. We just won last night, you're both acting strange.." Biske commented offhandedly. See? Even Biske is mystyfied. This is not normal. Ah, what I wouldn't give just to know what Kiluua is thinking right now. I feel hurt, being unable to talk to Killua is excruciating. Killua is my most important person, he's my best friend and I am not ashamed to admit that I couldn't live without him.

I never realized how badly I needed somebody to talked to, to relate to, to be able to hold onto, to rely on and share my adventures with. I just realized that I've been missing something important in my life when Killua finally became part of it and I finally feel complete. These feelings go way beyond friendship, but I always did my best to keep my feelings at bay. Because to me Killua is too important and too precious and I don't want anything to change between us that's why I did my best to hide my feelings all these time.

"N-Nothing, I just feel uncomfortable being unable to use my hand. I feel bad that Gon had to assist me all the time." Killua said as I tried to feed him some stew. "Ow, ow... Hot.."

"Oh, sorry." I quickly find something to wiped his mouth with. It was careless of me, my mind is wandering somewhere I forgot the stew is piping hot. I sighed involuntarily and Killua caught me. He suddenly looked sad. After eating another few spoonful he said he's full. How could he? He barely ate anything.

This time, Biske sighed. "I see that Killua's are causing you some inconvenience. For the mean time, starting tonight we'll stop camping and sleep at some inn in the town instead. For now Killua, bear with it since you don't want to use the Archangel's Breathe card that we have." Biske told them kindly, as usual she always think about their welfare. But the problem lies with the both of them.

(Killua)

Just seeing Gon sighed earlier today made me feel so horrible I want to die. I never knew that being unable to use both of your hands is extremely inconvenient. I'm being a burden to both Biske and especially to Gon.

My face burned with embarrassment as I recall what just happened today..! And it's only our first day, my hands didn't even show a slightest bit of improvements. If ever, it looked more swollen and bruised than the night before. This is nothing, but the way Gon looked at it made me feel horrible.

For sure he's regretting it and blaming himself, being eaten by guilt. The fool..! I had wanted this, I volunteered for it. Gon didn't tell me not to guard my hand with aura, of course he wouldn't asked me anything that cruel or heartless. Gon is the nice guy, not me.

The way he's been acting today totally wiped the euphoric feeling if being victorious. He looked defeated and I hate seeing his face contorted in any negative emotion. I like Gon because he's the very epitome of purity and cheerfulness. Contrary to me who lived in darkness, Gon lived in the light.

Tonight we'll be sleeping together on the same room in the same bed. Probably this set up would last until my hands are healed. Well naturally it would probably take half a year if I'm lucky. If not, well maybe a year? I can't say. I don't want to admit to Gon and Biske how much damaged my hand become. Well luckily I'm only waiting to get ahold of clones and be healed fast, no sweat. Thinking positive that everything will go according to plan, in two weeks or so they'll have the clones and kick 'bomber' group out of Greed Island for good.

But for now, he had to bear with the pain and the inconvenience. Well, this is nothing compared to the painful tension building up between me and Gon. Then my natural discomfort of being defenseless, no scratch that I don't care about myself but how about the reckless Gon? Who's going to protect him? His recklessness never failed to make me sweat.

When the surrounding grew darker, Biske immediately halted their training, to be precise Gon's training while he's sitting around and slacking off under the pretense of coming up with strategies. Though ideas elude me, I got distracted by watching Gon doing his best in training. His hardwork and effort are quite something. Its like he could get lost in it, just simply watching him made me so proud.

As we entered the room designated for me and Killua, Gon immediately jumped on the bed out of exhaustion. Its pretty understandable, they haven't been sleeping in bed for months, just lying in some obscure spot in the ground being bitten by bugs and mosquitoes.

There's two single bed in that small room and I was left with the one near the wall. I reluctantly sit. I want a bath so badly. But how can I take a bath? Well, let alone remove my clothes. And the icy wall between Gon and I is, if anything, getting colder and thicker? We couldn't even communicate properly and it's only been a day since. What about a week or two weeks from now on? I couldn't asked him to undress me or something and help me take a bath.

I blushed as I imagined that. The terrible ordeal earlier this morning is enough. I even avoided drinking water the whole day so as to not I wouldn't pee again. I haven't relieve my bladder since. But its not like I can hold it permanently. Like now... I sighed. Sighing became a bad habit of mine lately.

Gon must've heard me sighed. He quickly got up and walk towards me. "Let's take a bath Killua. You must be feeling uncomfortable.." Gon said. As usual, I turned my face away. At I nodded without looking at him. I was too embarrassed to look at Gon who's taking care all of my basic needs and I felt bad about dumping the burden to him. Its my fault I got hurt after all.

After entering a small bath with a tub, Gon quickly undressed and I stand there awkwardly watching him. His muscles are already developing. It kind of made me sad that he's growing rapidly. He used to be just a naive guy from some obscured island when we first met. And now, since when did he became attractive?

I've always like Gon because he always blew all of my unnecessary worries away, his naivety and obliviousness is a very refreshing change in my life filled with killing and deception. And I would want nothing more than spend my life like this by his side for as long as possible. After all, Gon is the one who told me to stay by his side until I found the thing I wanted to do. And now that I am by his side, I couldn't even imagine myself doing something else without Gon by my side.

As I am lost in deep thought I didn't noticed Gon is already standing in front of me. And I still couldn't bear to take a look at his face. I hate giving him trouble and I hate making him feel guilty. All of these wounds are of my own doing, he didn't forced me or begged me. I did it on my own. I wanted to tell him that but I guess i've never been the kind of person vocal about my feelings, Gon is the honest one who never gets embarrassed getting his feeling across by means of words.

I looked down as a reflex when Gon approached me. "K-Killua, I'm gonna remove your clothes." Gon said reluctantly. I nodded once and let him stripped me. Inwardly it took all of my efforts to calm myself down. I chastised myself for even feeling and thinking something impure towards my beloved best friend. I have to calm down or Gon will definitely notice.

But oh, if I could only be allowed to be honest to myself, being like this with Gon is a memory I wanted to treasure for the years to come. Gon, taking care of me like this. Nobody cared for me like this before. As a kid, when I got sick its always the butlers and the maids. My family wouldn't even go see me when I'm sick. Maybe when I'm finally on death's door would they finally bother, but even that is unlikely. A weak Zoldyck is unneeded, if I did die, who cares?

That's why this moment is precious. For the first time I am glad I got hurt. Enough for Gon to take care of me and it made me feel special and loved. Gon is really different from me, maybe this is something he experienced in a daily basis given how aunt Mito is and it made me feel envious sometimes.

Gon led me in the tub and started shampooing my hair, then scrubbing my back. We were both silent, there are countless things I so badly wanted to tell Gon but I can't. I wonder what he's thinking. What I wouldn't give to know what he's thinking right now. Does he find it annoying or tedious now that he's stuck in taking care of me? I feel bad about him.

But I wanted to carved it in my mind, the pleasant feeling of Gon's touch. I really do love Gon but I can't tell that naive guy. If only he would to touch me more. I know it's just a wishful thinking. Gon is far from being matured enough to feel anything. He's so dense it's frustrating. I have to calm down or he'll notice.

As I am taking it easy in the lukewarm water in the tub, Gon started cleaning his body. Using the shower. Every plains of his body is very familiar to me and I want to touch Gon. I feel bad about having these thoughts. I sighed.

Gon must've heard me sighed. He turned around and I ducked my head in the tub thinking he might caught me staring at his body. "K-Killua? Why are you avoiding me? Are you mad? I'm sorry. Because of me, you got hurt. I know I couldn't apologized enough or made it up to you. But you know Killua, towards you I really, really like you.." Gon blushed and turned his back.

Did I just heard him right? No, it can't be..! This is too good to be true, I must've fallen asleep already because of exhaustion. That's right, I must be dreaming. I quickly got up from the tub, not using my hand to support me I slipped. But Gon catch me. I must've hit my hands, it hurts. This throbbing sensation is not something I'll get use to.

Then I quickly realized that if I'm dreaming I shouldn't be feeling any pain. That means this is real..! I am in Gon's arms, he' supporting me and I still couldn't manage to take a look at his face or answer his confession and tell him its not true that I'm not blaming him. But before I could even manage to say anything he grabbed my chin upwards and kissed me. The warmth of Gon's lips took me out of my right frame of mind.

I forgot what I wanted to say when we finally broke away. He worldlessly took the towel and dried my hair and wrapped it around my body. Only to realized my lower half is reacting. I burned furiously. I wish the floor would swallow me whole, I always thought that wishing that the floor would swallow you whole is a silly wish, but right now I really wish that the floor would do just that.

"Killua... Can I touch you?" Gon asked in a small voice. And still blushing I nodded just once. He led me out of the bathroom to his bed. Again he kissed me, the lingering one. I am literally catching my breathe when we finally broke apart and I had to winder where did Gone learned that. I must've misunderstood him for years. Gon not as naive as I've always thought he is.

He tugged the towel wrapped around me and take it away. Now there is nothing to hide anymore. I'm feeling it way too much. I want Gon to touch me. And he did " Killua I-I love you.." As Gon touched me, my consciousness must've floated out of the window because I couldn't really recall what happened. I just know Gon touched me and I want to touch him too.

After it was over I finally got the courage to look at Gon and find the usual cheerful face to be solemn and serious. And I suddenly figure out why. I haven't said a word yet. "Gon, I-I also feel the same... I love you." The last three words came out as a whisper. But it was more than enough, Gon's face suddenly filled with happiness hugged me tightly I could smell the soap and shampoo and Gon's own unique scent.

"I-Im so happy Killua..!"

"O-Okay, I want to t-touch you too but my hands are hurt... So w-will you take care of all of my needs for a bit l-longer?" I don't know what pushed me to say that but those words brought forth a very significant change...

**Present Day**

Gon is training like crazy and I know why.. If he beat Gensuru and got ahold of some clones, my hands would be healed instantly and we could finally 'go all the way'. My face burned just thinking about it. Gon is one of a kind pervert. And so am I. I immediately come up with a brilliant plan with 0.01% possibility of ever failing. Because I want Gon to succeed too.

Even Biske vocally expressed that she's so proud of us. Ah the old hag even got tears on her eyes, but everything is all thanks to Biske. I guess if we became successful today, I can look forward to tonight...

**Disclaimers: **

**I don't own HXH. Thanks for reading... Opinions and Constructive criticisms are welcome..**

**Announcement to the readers of You Are My Sun and Maddening Obsession, a few days ago my PC broke down. I don't have a copy of the chapters, heck I even got the draft of my thesis over there. I already had the CPU checked and I am hoping the memory wouldn't be erased. Stupid of me really, I shouldn't have been too lazy to save some copy. Even my Shingeki no Kyojin, Pandora Hearts and Man drafts are all there..! I just wrote this one out of frustration in my tab. It might take a week or more before I could upload a new chapter if I had to write from the start. After all, my main concern is my survey thesis. *sighed* but I'm still glad we didn't get flooded during the storm, cleaning up takes days and removing the stench takes weeks.**


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